#and i dont think i could live with myself if that were the case

[mymp3]

not gonna do one of those "year in review" art things. but i will say this, even though this was a tough year, im really happy and the things i did end up drawing. lots of little things and comics. just doodles and the occasional piece. just things that made me happy. next year i want to continue that, i just wish and hope i'll continue to draw and that i'll make things i genuinely enjoy. i wanna go into 2024 with a smile. :)

[puppyeared]

people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.

Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.

I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.

[kurthorton-moving]

.

[pastellmochi]

[sayoneee]

☆ POISON

“miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you’re dead, that girl is poison” - bell biv devoe (2.2k)

contains: luke castellan x daughter of aphrodite! reader. acquaintances to friends to secretish lovers. silena + drew mentions. during tlt.

kashaf’s note: u cant tell me a group of teenagers lived together at summer camp and no one had secret parties. dont @ me for the 90s music references (+ i imagine avantika vandanapu as silena, and momona tamada as drew)

i. and if there was a problem / yo, i'll solve it

“CASTELLAN?” YOU APPROACHED him slowly, tone cautious as if you were speaking to a wounded animal, although in this case, maybe you were, as you reached for his bruised knuckles, remaining persistent, even as he tried to withdraw his hands out of your grasp. “why’d you do that?”

“did i need a reason?” there is a forced jocularity to his words, a well-practiced mask he is never seen without, and you cringe slightly, your gaze catching the grimace that twists his lips. his attempt at a ‘roguish’ grin falls flat, the expression a discordant note against the backdrop of his injuries. luke’s already busted lip splits open, a thin line of crimson carving a river down his chin. he moves to wipe it off the back of his arm, but you’ve already pulled off the bandana tying up your hair (a birthday present from a half-sibling) and begun rubbing at his face.

luke’s eyes widened at the gesture.

despite being tentative acquaintances since your arrival, you’re still annoyed that luke castellan continues to underestimate just how much of his heart he wears on his sleeve — or rather, just how well you manage to see past his facade. his blatant lie hangs in the air, unacknowledged. instead, you deliberately shift your gaze to the purples and blacks that mar his knuckles, setting about wrapping them with your bandana, obscuring the damage.

“i could’ve done that myself,” luke says, amused, his words lightly appreciative. still, at your answering glare, he tosses his hands in the air in surrender as ‘ice ice baby’ continues in the background, uninterrupted, “but thank you, though.”

“i’m no apollo kid, but it’ll do,” you shrug instead of accepting the gratitude, tugging him to his feet, ensuring to grab his uninjured hand, and hauling him outside. 

“you’re no apollo kid, and you decide to take the injured man away from where the apollo kids are actually gathered,” luke muses, once again entertained with himself (was there any other emotion this boy could experience besides amusement?), once the lights of the apollo cabin are so far behind you, neither of you could fully see each other.

“you’ll live,” you say, scowling at him through the darkness, forgetting he couldn’t actually see you.

“and you’re moody for a daughter of aphrodite,” he says, still holding onto your hand as he trails after you.

you stop in your tracks, pinch the bridge of your nose, count to three, and finally turn to luke, who still has his stupidly pleased-with-himself expression on his face. “luke castellan, if you don’t end up dying of some tragic fate or the other i will hunt you down myself.”

“duly noted.”

“holy hera, do you even want to know where i’m taking you?”

“nah, i think the mystery really adds some suspense.”

“that’s it, i give up,” you say, before beginning to drag him back to the apollo cabin, when he plants his feet in the dirt ground firmly, grinning crookedly at you as the moonlight finally shines through the clouds, suddenly bathing him in a luminescent glow.

“nah, c’mon, let’s go to your spot.”

you glare at him, watching how his stupid grin only seems to grow in size, an annoyingly endearing trait. with a sigh, you continued to drag him along, scowling each time he tried to make a quip.

“what if we get to your spot, and i find out this was all just a ploy to murder me?” luke muses out loud, looking thoughtful for once.

“do you seriously believe that if i was gonna murder you, i wouldn’t have done it by now?” you say, pausing when he shrugged in agreement, “we’re here though, whiney baby.” 

luke’s eyebrows rose as he took in the secluded area near the dunes, finally meeting your gaze again. “aw, i can’t believe you just planned out our first date.”

“i seriously don’t know what any of my half-siblings see in you.”

“so you’ve discussed me then.”

“shut up, i dragged you all the way here, because even though i know you like attention, i don’t think you wanted the attention you were getting from punching that poor hephaestus kid in the jaw,” you say shockingly sincerely, startling both yourself and luke.

luke doesn’t say anything, letting what seems like a confession hang in the air, instead, sits down near the water, and rubs a hand across his jaw, watching you as you follow suit, sitting next to him. 

after spending what seems like minutes in silence, watching the waves lap at the shore, luke finally speaks, staring out at the horizon, his tone slightly hollow, and devoid of all things you have come to label as luke castellan, looking eerily similar to the night he had returned from his infamous quest, “heroes aren’t meant to be happy.”

you drew your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms around them and resting your head. “i know — achilles, orpheus, theseus…” you trail off.

“and hercules,” luke adds, almost melancholy. 

“i think i’ve pretty much accepted i’ll die young,” you say, your words coming out in nothing but a whisper despite the two of you being alone.

luke nods in solidarity, lost in thought. “it shouldn’t have to be like this,” he finally says, voice hardening.

ii. talking sweet and looking fine / i get kinda hectic inside

“okay, for this technique, i’ll need a partner,” luke says, looking straight at you. “can you come up here?”

deciding to oblige him, you rolled your eyes good-naturedly, smiling as you joined him in front of the other campers, who had begun whispering when he called out to you. in the crowd, just past your half-siblings looks of shock, you can see the stolls passing around a wad of cash. 

luke addresses the crowd once more, “i need everyone to be paying close attention here, we’ll be demonstrating how to parry, or counterblock for the newcomers.”

as both of you get into position, luke smiles, “don’t forget to go easy on me.”

you laughed, “don’t bet on it, castellan.”

your demonstration ends up feeling like eons, as the two of you continue to dance around each other, parrying and jabbing, and lunging, and striking, and parrying. both of you are panting, your faces flushed as you continue, and just when it seems like you have the upper hand, luke side steps, and easily parries your finishing blow, disarming you in the process.

you laugh as you yield, loving the exhilaration from the fight, but when the two of you face the campers once more, more than half of the crowd is slack-jawed. 

luke, ever the showman, can’t resist a grin, “not only was that your lesson to not underestimate aphrodite cabin, but also to show you the level we’re trying to get you guys to. now, partner up and spread out.”

before you can turn back to address luke again, drew is suddenly at your side. 

“what the fuck was that?” drew hisses, grasping your elbow and leading you away from the training session in full swing, pulling you into your cabin, where silena sits on your bed (still in her armor), clearly awaiting this impromptu confrontation.

“what was what?” you choose to feign innocence, examining your nails before glancing up to see the twin expressions of horror on both silena and drew’s faces. 

“do not act dumb,” drew eyes you coolly, “it’s so beneath you.”

“i’m not acting dumb,” you rolled your eyes at the both of them.

“yes you —”

“you and castellan,” silena interjects, “we want details, now.”

“what details even are there to give?”

silena grabs drew’s arm, pulling her back from apparently nearly pouncing on you. 

drew rolls her eyes at the hand on her arm, and then focuses on you, “you’re literally our next head counselor and you and castellan had never so much looked at each other until this week and now he’s asking you to help demonstrate training techniques, like hello?”

silena snapped her fingers in agreement, “c’mon, you can’t deny that something didn’t happen.”

“nothing did,” you crossed your arms across your chest.

“you know what,” drew says, “if you wanna be like this fine. come find me when you finally decide to — i don’t know — talk to your sisters?” she storms out of the cabin, leaving you alone with silena, who sighs, gives you an apologetic look and goes after drew. 

“well, that was a shit show.”

you whirl around to see your head counselor standing at the entry of the cabin, poised as ever, not a hair out of place as she stood, examining her manicure, looking bored, as usual. 

“couldn’t agree more,” you sigh, sitting on your bed, head in your hands. 

your head counselor takes a seat beside you, “look, i don’t care for whatever petty drama just unfolded, you’ll get over it, daughters of aphrodite and all,” she waves a hand in the air, “— but for now, we have more pressing issues. i’m gonna leave for college soon, and the entire cabin knows you’re my successor.”

you nod as she paused, meeting your gaze, and you can’t help but examine the perfect shape of her eyeliner, scanning her entire picture-perfect face in an attempt to discern her mood.

“i don’t care whatever it is you have going on with castellan, but you need to complete the rite of passage, before you become head counselor.”

“the rite of passage?” you asked, having only heard the phrase in hushed conversations around camp, the knot in your stomach tightening as she continued.

“no child of aphrodite is a true child of aphrodite without having broken their first love’s heart,” is all she offers as an explanation, completely straight-faced. “castellan is perfect for your rite of passage.”

your eyebrows furrow as you consider her words, and with a final nod, and gentle squeeze of your arm, she leaves you with both her legacy and your mother’s legacy in your hands. 

“oh, and before i forget, whoever doesn’t do it always ends up cursed.”

iii. now let me pray to keep you from / the perils that will surely come

luke’s shoulder brushing against yours has turned out to be extremely distracting, and now you can understand why your cabin is more notorious for breaking hearts, rather than falling in love. you can’t seem to focus on anything except how close his hand is to yours, even the golden hue of the fire or the sing-alongs can’t divert your attention. 

the distance between the two of you grows imperceptibly smaller when luke suddenly clears his throat, on the verge of saying something, when a twig snaps behind the two of you, causing you to jump apart and look at the intruder. 

annabeth is standing behind the two of you, looking faintly apologetic, but also terrified. “sorry if i interrupted you guys,” she offers, rubbing her arm.

you share a glance with luke, nodding at him. “you weren’t — luke can always talk to me later,” you say, offering her your trademark smile.

annabeth nodded, “thank you,” as luke gently squeezed your hand before getting up to comfort her.

“don’t thank me, sweetheart.”

you’re at your usual spot when luke rejoins you, running a hand through his curls. “sorry,” he says, “someone left a spider in athena cabin, and no one could kill it.”

you chuckled, “if it wasn’t a total accident, i’d bet money it was travis and connor.”

the corner of his mouth quirks up at the mention of his siblings, “i think you’re spending too much time around them to pick up on their habits.”

“or maybe, i’m spending too much time around you,” you offer, smirking at him, trying to ignore the funny feeling in your chest as he smiles genuinely at you.

“i like to say i’m an acquired taste,” luke shrugs, sneaking a glance at you as you laugh at him. 

“i think i’ve acquired that taste,” you say, without thinking, before realizing how phenomenally stupid that sounded.

luke smiled widely, “y’know, if you weren’t a daughter of aphrodite, i would’ve told you how corny that was —” you shoved him here, “— ow, let me finish, but i actually am really glad to hear that.”

“no wonder,” you smirked, “i can practically hear your heart beating out of your chest.”

“okay, look who’s confident all of a sudden.”

you shut him up with a soft kiss that has him seeing stars. 

iv. i know what’s weighing on your mind / you can be sure i know my part

“again, what the hell is going on with you and castellan?” silena asks one early morning before breakfast, birds chirping as she’s lining her eyes with kajal, glancing at the mirror in her hand as she sits at the top of her bed.

“nothing.”

“i literally saw you guys making out and had to scrub my eyes out with soap,” drew adds, looking extremely disgusted at the thought of relieving that experience, as she paints a fresh coat of nail polish. 

“fine, you’re right,” you concede, curling your eyelashes. 

“don’t you have to do the rite of passage, though?” drew asks, pausing to look up at you.

“i’m not doing the rite of passage,” you say slowly, setting the eyelash curler down on the vanity.

“excuse me?” your head counselor has her hands on her hips, the annoyed expression on her face marring her perfect features, towering over you as she stands in front of your bed.

“i said, i’m not doing the rite of passage,” you enunciate, looking up at her, maintaining eye contact.

the temperature of the cabin seemed to drop ten degrees, and for a minute or so, your stare remained unbroken until she shrugged. “your decision... but don’t say i didn’t warn you,” before dramatically whirling around and heading to the pavilion.

silena gave you a look as drew arched her brow, and you simply shrugged in response.

© sayoneee on tumblr. do not repost, plagiarize, translate or claim any of my works as your own.

[kroosluvr]

aftermath

ERMMM this takes place after long winter au third semester.... it could honestly vary but i think sometime btwn 5-10 yrs. sumire is abroad, akira moved back to tokyo after finishing hs/college, goro is. around

SORRY ITS 5am again so ill make this quick . again

QUICK DISCLAIMER this is kinda like a lot of me projecting LMFAOSDOGKJSDHFK@#)40 so like dont read into this tooooo much bc idk royaltrio cld be insnanely ooc here but. YEA.

started thinking abt akira constantly calling up goro and sumire even after 1) goro dies (so they think) and 2) sumire distances herself post-third sem. i elaborate on this on my shusumi fic........ sorry subtle shilling

^ tldr i think these 3 kinda drift apart after the snowglobe world crumbles, that false reality that ironically brought them so close together..... back in reality, things feel Different (but this is Our reality right? why does it feel so strange now?) and so. well its just not the same, no amtter what

the. the “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there” tumblr post

even though they loved each other and knew it too, there was also some sort of looming feeling that it won't last - but it does, still. it exists, in some meaningful sense-

akira sees and thinks about sumire and goro in everything he does, his day to day life, worries about them, wants to tell them about all he's doing, wants to hear about what they're up to. so he does so by leaving voicemails (although in this case sumire changed her number LMFAO. he does it anyway)

in the same vein, sumire thinks about all the things she'd like to tell goro, but with no address to send it to, it's useless. but she writes them anyway - more and more as a solace to herself, conversing with the memory of goro in her head, making him live on in that sense. and with akira i think it's a little more subtle. here she's trying to find a coffee shop that measures up to lebalnc, and of course she doesn't. there's only one leblanc and only one akira. but yeah like in sumire's case she kinda goes these "roundabout" ways in her Missing Them. theres also the added thing of her wanting to be more independent (from goro and akira and kasumi and tokyo and etc etc etc. also elaborated on in said fic)

goro! i think there's smth so poignant about visiting your own grave (i wrote sumire doing htis in another fic. thats an aside) hair cut, mask on, no gloves, he's a different sort of goro akechi but not really in any meaningful sense either. he's just different. sumire leaves the scarf (i think w sumire, she learns from goro like. omg im blanking on the word. LIKE reliability..? thinking realistically? smth like that.) so shes subconsciously thinks oh ill get him something useful like a scarf to keep warm (and a lil more subtle on the love aspect). akira gets him a lovely bouquet, straightforward and honest w his love/adoration, never afraid to spell it out. smth abt goro needing to live a new life now but also he keeps looking back - but this time, there's love when he looks back. there's still love

a kind of "youll always have home with me" sentiment btwn these 3. even if we never return there, youll still have a place in my heart

like "i dont think ill ever have that kind of love again. but i had it once. and even if i couldnt keep it, its still important." THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN

anyway tldr theres just some sentiment w royaltrio w Wanting to move on but also holding onto your past, and learning how to reconcile with the horrible parts but also the tender and lovely parts. sometimes there's stuff you gotta leave behind and grow past, grow around, even if it's good. even if it's good, you still have to push forward. <- a lesson that i'm trying to teach myself currently so thats why this is very. projecting. LMFAODSJKHJKSDKW sorry im crnge goodnight

these notes are horrible dont read these.

[superscourge]

Before the Storm [AU drabble]

Summary: An AU where Tails is killed thanks to one of Eggman's plans going sideways, and Sonic goes off the deep end because of it. Shadow confronts him before he does something he'll regret.

Words: 891

TW: Major character death (implied)

Notes: wheeeee i dont think ive posted any sonic-related writing here before??? so this is um. scary. LOL. but i hope it's at least an interesting read <3 dont kill me im just a little guy ok

--

“What do you even think you're doing here, hedgehog?”

Sonic stopped in his tracks with a stomp when he was addressed. He didn’t turn to look at who had spoken; he knew instantly just from the voice. 

“What’s it look like?” he responded. “I’m avenging Tails. That's all there is to it. If you have an issue, then feel free to let me know once I'm done.”

Behind him, about twenty or so feet away, stood Shadow. He stared coldly at the other hedgehog. “You know I’m not going to just stand aside and let you do this, right?”

“Yeah, I figured.” Sonic shook his head a little. “I don’t get why not, though.”

Shadow narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean by that?”

Sonic finally turned to face his rival, and when the two gazes met, Shadow could feel a chill slither up his spine. This…wasn’t Sonic. Not anymore.

“You lost someone important to you, right?”

Shadow’s ears perked. He wasn’t… Was he?

“She was taken from you, even. She didn't deserve it. She wasn't ready.” Sonic stared back at him, almost seeming to challenge him to deny it. “And neither were you.”

Shadow remained silent. He didn’t say a word, his expression unreadable. Sonic, figuring he’d caught him, just continued to speak. “So, I don’t get how you’re not on my side. You know what this situation is like. You lived it. You even tried to destroy the world because of it.” He waved his hand a little. “So why shouldn’t–”

“Let me tell you something.”

Sonic paused once he was interrupted. Across the way, Shadow’s expression suddenly became a bit more clear. He was angry. More than that, really–he was seething.

“The difference between our situations is that while, yes, I did act out of anger and grief and aimed to destroy the world with it, I did it because I thought that’s what she would have wanted.” He let that statement sink in for just a moment before he continued. “I’ve since come to realize that this wasn’t the case at all.”

Sonic’s ears folded back the longer the other went on, but Shadow didn’t let up. In fact, he began to step forward as he spoke.

“You’re right. I do know what it’s like to lose someone dear to me. I do know what it’s like to have someone who could light up the room with their presence alone, have their light be extinguished prematurely. And I do know what it’s like to want to end everything and everyone because of that loss.” He stopped approaching once he was only a couple feet away. “But, do you know the difference between you and me, Sonic? The true difference between our situations?”

He didn’t allow Sonic to respond even if he had wanted to. Instead, Shadow leaned in a little closer, his voice dripping with venom as he nearly spoke through his teeth. “I was able to get it through my head that that wasn’t what she wanted. I was able to pull myself together and not let myself succumb to my own misguided idea of how I was supposed to deal with my loss and grief.” He narrowed his eyes, then. “I was able to accept that causing others to suffer in her stead would not bring her back. Nothing would. And you haven’t accepted any of that.”

Something in Sonic’s chest twisted into a tight knot. His nose scrunched up into a slight snarl as he glared back at Shadow, fists clenched at his sides.

“You’re wrong,” Sonic spat back finally. “You really don’t get it after all. You gave up. You could have gotten them back for what they did to her, but you didn’t. You let them get away with it.” 

The icy look in his eyes told Shadow that his words had gone in one ear and right out the other. He wasn’t going to get through to him.

“So, I guess we are different, yeah. You chose to let Maria’s killers off the hook.” Sonic took a couple steps back. “I’m not making that same mistake.”

Shadow watched him for a few moments, trying to find some sort of sign that this was salvageable. He didn’t want to take drastic measures to stop a disaster from happening…but, this was Sonic. Drastic measures were par for the course when he was involved.

With a resigned sigh, Shadow began to back away as well. He had no intention of leaving, though. Now, he had a mission. “I see.”

Reaching up, he gently grasped the inhibitor ring on his wrist. He didn’t unclasp it–not yet. He was going to give Sonic one last chance to walk away from this. He could see Sonic’s eyes shift to look at the inhibitors before meeting his gaze once again, and he could tell just by that look that he still wasn’t going to back down. So…he supposed that was that.

“There is one thing about you that hasn’t changed, at least,” he noted, finally clicking off the inhibitor. He knew this would be an uphill battle despite the course of action he was going to take. 

“You still don’t know when to quit.”

[astrolynnworld]

caught

pairing: dom!matt x reader

summary: while you’re in the shower, matt finds some hidden toys. how quick can he be before your roommate gets back?

warnings: smut! toy usage, watching you masturbate, aggressive sex, caught by roommate, praise/degradation, pet names.

word count: 1,792

i squeal as i stretch from the stale position of my nap

i look over at matt who’s on his phone playing pokémon go

“hey” i speak with rasp

“oh you’re up” he smiles at me, “dont forget that nai invited us to her house party later”

fuck i forgot. i kinda dont even really wanna go, it just feels like the type of day where you lay in bed and never get up

“do we have to go?” i ask with a frown

“come on babe, we don’t have to stay long but let’s at least show our face” he replies

“fine. let me start getting ready now” i say as i hop out the bed to the shower

———————————————————————

matt’s pov:

after i hear the shower water turn on, i get up and walk to y/n’s mirror to see how i look for this party

“i need to brush my hair” i say out loud

i look around to see if she has a brush lying around anywhere

nope.

i start checking some drawers just in case she likes to keep everything tucked away

i open the first drawer to a bunch of shirts and crop tops. “not here” i say aloud

the second drawer was just filled with all kinds of pants. “not this either” i say again

i opened her bottom drawer because maybe this would be where she kept all her beauty supplies

but i was wrong.

all I see is mass amounts of electrical toys. from vibrators to dildos to plugs.

i didn’t know my girlfriend was this much of a freak..

a million questions was running through my mind. how often would she use these? was i not doing the job? why wouldn’t she ask me to incorporate these into our sex lives?

i waited for her to get out the shower so she could do some explaining

———————————————————————

y/n’s pov:

i get out the shower, grab my towel and walk back into my bedroom.

when i open the door i see matt standing by my dressers with the bottom one open

fuck. i know he saw the freak show i have going on in there

“wanna explain?” matt exclaims, breaking the silent staring contest we had

“are you mad?” i ask, letting that be the deciding factor on what i say next

“no. i just wanna know why i never knew you were into stuff like that” he brews

“it’s not like a super big deal. i touch and play with myself when you’re not always around” i tell

he walks closer to me, “do you think of me when you do”

i look up at him and nod, i could tell that the idea of this was turning him on

“which one do you think about me the most with?” he asks dominantly

“the blue wand looking one” i say as i point to the drawer

he goes to grab it then brings it back to me, “show me how you would use it”

i freeze

“huh?” i ask

“show me. how you would use it.” he demands as he hands me vibrator

i take it out his hand and stare as he finds a seat at my desk ready to watch the show

i have never had someone watch me masturbate before but the idea didn’t necessarily turn me off

i walk back over to my dresser because im going to need a little help if im using the vibrator

i grab the pink dildo that sat at the top of the drawer and i make my way to the bed

i could tell matt was putting up a lot of resistance to not speak since he didn’t want to ruin the scene

i take off my towel and lay down flat on the bed, facing my body towards him allowing him a perfect view of my already wet pussy.

i turn on the vibrator and place it on my clit.

this wand had high sensational levels so the vibrations were strong

i start rubbing the vibrators in circles before taking the end of the dildo and tracing it against my hole

i can hear matt’s anticipated breaths fill this silent room

i start slowly trying to push the dildo in as i fail to mask my small moans

the toy was pressing against my walls at the perfect pressure

from my peripheral vision i could see matt starting to undo his pants and take his dick out into his hands

the idea of him watching me masturbate had always secretly been a fantasy of mine

i continue to let these thoughts of matt watching me flow through my head as i push the dildo deeper into me

i whimper as i feel the tip of the toy push all the way against my g spot

i continue to circle the wand around my clit as i use the dildo to pull out and push deep back inside of me

the stimulus of both these toys at the same time was always enough to set me loose

i try to fight being nosy but i couldn’t control my body movements

i start slowly grinding into the wand and toy more and more aggressively

i slightly raise my head again to check on matt and i see him stroking his dick with his foggy eyes and chest panting from breathing so hard

i put my head back down and start whimpering her name as i continue to grind into the toys

“matt oh my god” i gasp out

“please matt.”

“fuck matt you feel so good.”

“don’t stop matt.”

“nugh- matt please keep fucking me” i say on repeat

i didn’t even notice matt had gotten up from the chair until i felt his hands slowly trace up my spreaded legs

i slowly stop the grinding just to see what his plan of action is

he pulls the dildo out and tosses it to the side before sliding his own dick inside

“matt-“ i try to speak as he starts thrusting into me

“i can’t watch this anymore. i have to be the one to make you cum. i always want to be the one to make you cum” he speaks

“you’re so fucking hot and nasty. putting on that slutty show for me knowing how turned on you make me” he continues

i don’t speak. i just let the noises flow from my mouth as he pushes balls deep inside of me

he grabs the wand from my hand and spits on my pussy before putting it back on my clit and rubbing it in with the wand

“fuck your pussy is so pretty. i cant get enough of you”

i stare up at him with a fucked out expression as his dick continues to pound inside of me

he puts his other hand on my throat and bends down to start kissing me, slowly getting more sloppy.

“you’re mine okay princess? all mine.” he whispers into my mouth

“all yours” i repeat, choked out from his tight grip on my throat

he continues to thrust messily before stopping

“turn over” he echos

i flip over and lay on my stomach while arching my ass up

he slaps my ass, “so fucking sexy”

matt hands me back the vibrator so i can hold it against my own clit before sliding back into my drenched hole

“fuck you just get hotter and hotter” he says as i throw my ass back on him while the thrusts into me

the room filled with nothing more than echos of clapping sounds and moaning

matt starts pulling my hair, leaving me no choice but to tilt my head up

“look at how you sound under me. you’re so perfect for me baby, it’s like you were made for my cock” he says through gritted teeth

matthew doesn’t stop the slamming into me, making it so hard to speak. but i did find my words when i heard the front door open indicating that my roommate was back home

“ma- matt.. my room- roommate is ba- back. we need to be qu- quiet” i try to make out into a sentence

matt bends down into my back and aggressively holds my mouth as he continues to slowly thrust deep into me

i close my eyes and shudder at the stimulation that overtakes my g spit and clit

“y/n? are you ready for the party yet?” my roommate yells from the kitchen

i can’t even bother trying to function out a response to her because i knew it would give away the scene behind my room door right now

it also didn’t help that matt was starting to whisper in my ear about how slutty and nasty i am

i went fuzzy over all the stimulation, i wouldn’t even be able to conjure up a sentence if i wanted too

i just hope she doesn’t walk in here because lord knows how i would be able to explain this to her later.

matt starts whispering in my ear about how good i feel and how bad he wants to cum

my pussy starts to tighten at the incoming orgasm that we’re about to share

“baby you’re clenching around me so tight.. i’m gonna-“

the door swings open, “y/-“ she stops as she realizes the scene in front of her

i clench around matt’s cock and let orgasm out as he continues to thrust and meet my orgasm halfway

she looks horrified, i feel terrible

“fuck. i’m sorry” she says before quickly walking back out

i can’t even focus on what just happened, i continue to fuck back into matt’s cock and ride out my high as he does the same

after a few seconds of deep breaths and calming down, i fully realize what had just happened

“matt oh my god. that’s so embarrassing” i snicker out of humiliation

he pulls out and flips me over so he can get a better look at me

“to be fair we should of locked the door” he laughs back

“I DIDNT KNOW SHE WOULD COME BACK THAT QUICK!!” i say while covering my face in embarrassment

“god it’s probably gonna be soo awkward now.” i continue

“orrr.. this could make you closer!” matt says

“you’re just saying shit” i laugh

“yeah! cause the world isn’t going to stop because your roommate saw me fucking you into oblivion” he continues

i stare at him in silence

“i mean.. i was putting shit DOWN. and now she knows how you really get”

“you’re actually no help.” i say with a fake frown trying to hold back my laugh

he smiles, “whatever. let’s finish getting ready so we can go to this party”

———————————————————————

a/n- thank you guys so much for 500 followers 🥹🥹 i literally started this account 11 days ago!! love you guys so much

@bernardsleftbootycheek <33

[goomyloid]

PLEASE explain your thoughts on kriselle in full detail

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 100% UNPROMPTED ASK! I SHALL EXPLAIN

i hate toby fox. why did he do this to us. he really put it better than anyone else. not really romantic not really platonic but…. something else… some secret more sinister more heartfelt more absurd third thing

i wonder at what point should i clarify that i dont even really seek out kriselle in a romantic context… DONT GET ME WRONG i have zero issues with the ship whatsoever and all of the krisellers out there are living their best (most painful) lives and i SEE THE APPEAL. BUT when i rotate them in my brain i dont need them to kiss or anything like that i just need them to sit down and sadly hold hands and stay like that forever and ever. in case you couldnt gauge that from my art so far

tldr i dont think i ship them in the traditional sense at least …. the things that i usually fixate on for any romantic ship are not there with these two. there are no romantic feelings there In my mind. and all at the same time i start screaming and throwing up and killing myself (all positive) whenever i see them even in the same image together. hngh

ive tried explaining this to people before and they usually suggest something along the lines of a QPR and even that doesnt feel right to me. truly the best way i can put it is… that red string of fate man… which i almost hesitate on saying too because i dont actually know if noelle is Quite an important enough character to the story to warrant a connection like that. WHICH IS A CRAZY THING TO SAY. I KNOW. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING ME WRONG i think dess and her connections to gaster and her usage as a stepping stone into the weird route are all VERY important… but in my brain its just not kris/knight/asriel/every other mysterious main focus of the story Important. i didnt mean to get into deltarune theorizing here i hope nobody’s blood is boiling rn

so yeah in the end. toby fox once again put it best. they are friends, but they are also something else.

back to the actual pairing though… sometimes i think im going overboard and overestimating how close kris and noelle were as children because noelle will go and say things like “i wonder if we were ever really friends at all.” which is kind of a fair statement considering the circumstances. sure they played together and all and tagged along with their siblings to do stuff together but when dess went missing… it all kind of stopped. kris is just a kid, they dont know what to do or even how to process it, much like noelle. asriel is probably dealing with his own feelings, he just lost his friend and likely old enough to understand the weight of what happened. while noelle and kris cant say much to each other at all.

im always back and forth on speaking headcanons for kris but the one that i always seem to come back to is selective mutism… to me kris had a lot of trouble communicating well as a child and could only grow comfortable around certain people, asriel and noelle being clear examples because they’re both so patient with them. maybe because of this noelle felt like they could understand each other without really needing words, and just physical interaction was enough to achieve some form of closeness… or maybe that was all just on her end, she thinks when kris goes to play the piano. but if that’s the case, why does it feel like a concert just for her…?

jesus dont even get me start on them as teenagers either. noelle has lost her sister, and now kris has lost their brother… but not in the same way. they look at each other and wonder if they’re the same now. or, maybe thats too cruel. maybe its not the same thing at all. asriel’s coming back soon, after all. it will all be over soon, kris won’t have to feel this way for much longer, right? so then, why does kris look so miserable, sitting in the corner over there? all noelle feels like she can do is sit next to them quietly. to be there, and to somehow, vaguely, messily help each other. the misfit kids that dont really know how to talk to each other and yet understand each other regardless

thats why the dark world feels like such a dream to her. these crazy city lights, fantastical creatures, susie’s there, and she actually might have the means to defend herself and stand her ground, whether it be verbally or… otherwise

and most of all, much like with kris offering an adventurous haven to susie in ch1, the same is extended to noelle. by kris’s side, no less. it feels like theyre doing things together again, and its fun, and nostalgic… she wants to bring dess. and i think its okay to assume kris wants to bring asriel, too. recreating the make-believe world they lost so long ago… is it really possible?

no… how can it really be possible, when this isnt kris? something is wrong. its almost perfect, except kris… it’s them, but it’s not. she sees their face, their expressions, their laughs, their worries. and yet the voice that comes from them… isnt them. and it scares her! even if nothing particularly bad happened as a result. and if something bad DID happen, well…

she just wants what they had before back. is it really so impossible? can they reconcile after all these years? does kris want to? is kris capable of doing so? maybe they just need to hug again. will it feel like a real hug? the person she thought she understood is acting in ways she doesnt understand. they’re telling her to do weird things. they cycle through actions as if they just want to know what happens. and they cant even play piano anymore.

[grapesrsogood]

After Xanthus turned Love (a phew months later)

Just a short drabble that i thought up and decided to try out writing :3

After writing this: YALL ARE GOING TO DIE FROM THIS TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF IM TELLING YOU NOW

Masterlist here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Im thinking that maybe we should paint the room a dark green colour? Oh, and we could paint the shutters a darker green to complement it!” I stand beside Xanthus in our new bedroom, we had bought a house a phew weeks back to continue our fresh start together and are considering what colour scheme would work best.

I continue on my rant as i walk around the room aimlessly, “a dark wood book case would look lovely in the corner and having a desk too would be nice,” my excitement grows and i feel Xanthus’s gaze on me as i practically prance around the room, pointing out possible decor and furniture styles.

I giggle to myself, feeling like a kid waking up on their birthday, exited for the day ahead. I turn to look at Xanthus and he’s already looking back, his eyes soft and holding a look that i recognise as intrigue or maybe confusion, he seems to have that look in his eyes more frequently recently.

I move closer to him and turn my whole body to face his, “whats up hun?” I ask as i tilt my head, a soft smile making its way onto my lips and i continue to gaze back at my lover.

“How do you do it?” He finally speaks and im slightly taken aback by his question, “what do you mean?” I ask in return and he looks to the side for a moment.

“You are practically glowing, as you usually are. Your smile is still warm and the comforting tone in your voice hasn’t wavered at all. You are still the same embodiment of life that you were when i first saw you and you are still filled with the same compassion and love, you arent cold or distant or predatory in any way even though your humanity has been stolen from you. I dont feel as though the bond is gone because i still have you, the same you and the you that loved me and saw the good in everybody around you. How do you do it? How are you still so you, when you’re like… me…” his words trail off into silence and my eyes dont leave him for a second, untill his finally meet mine. I bring a hand up to his cheek and he rests his jaw on my palm, bringing his own hand up to cradle mine.

“Xanthus… i love you. Thats never going to change, even if im undead. My humanity doesnt define me, just as being a vampire doesnt either. I choose to love and feel happy and feel alive because even if im not, the world around me is and i want to live with it. Im alive in my heart, and so are you. You love me, you care for people, that isnt proof of your humanity. Thats proof of your life! Thats proof that despite what you’ve been through and what you’ve seen or done, you can still take a breath and appreciate the world around you, the people around you. I refuse to let myself go over something such as death. I dont care because im still myself at heart and thats what really counts.” I dont break eye contact as i see his eyes begin to water and he brings his other hand up to cover his eyes.

“Xanthus, you dont need to hide your emotions, you can pretend being turned changed you, that it took away your right to feel things, but thats not true! You feel just as much as any human. You love just as much as any human. Don’t let any outdated stereotypes about vampires being heartless monsters change that,” i gently tug his hand down and watch as a single tear rolls down his cheek.

He finally talks again, his words wavering and he practically whispered to me, “i love you too.”

I pull him into me carefully, as he buries his face into my neck, soft and quiet sobs coming from him occasionally and his arms tighten around me. I realise then that Xanthus, a 400 year old vampire that claims to be a wise, unfeeling being of the shadows, was simply a man who hadnt felt comfort for over three centuries and just needed a person to really see him for who his is and not what he is to finally feel again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SUPER SHORT BUT AGHHHHH

I LOVE THIS >v<

Words are so fun teehee

Apologies for any mistakes, its late and i want to post this now so i’ll read over it again in the morning

BAIIIIII

[redr0sewrites]

Hi!!! Hope you’re having a wonderful day! I was wondering if you could write some head cannons for the hashira (separate) x a reader who has health issues that cause difficulty breathing and the need to use a nebulizer (it’s a machine with a mask that you wear in inhale medication in case you didn’t know), and how they react to some of the side affects of it (tiredness, fatigue, mild full body shaking, hyperactivity) this is very much me projecting due to me not seeing much rep of these types of conditions. totally understand if you don’t feel comfortable doing it, I understand that these types of things can be scary or triggering for some but I figured I might as well ask. Again I hope your having a lovely day and thank you for reading <3

OFC!!! lmk if theres anything i need to adjust or info thats inaccurate, i dont have person experience with this form of condition and i attempted to write it as accurately as i can but if i need to adjust ANYTHING please inform me!! :D

🥀CW: some angst (with comfort), nebulizer, mentions of sickness, mentions of medication and medicine, shaking, exhaustion, etc

🥀Characters: All the Hashiras (minus Muichiro cuz i dont write for him) x sick!reader

Rengoku

When you first explained your condition to him, he was a little confused

Asked a lot of questions about your nebulizer, the type of medication you took, and overall just wanted to learn about it!

Rengoku is always asking if your okay, he is very blunt about it because he worries ab you a lot, however he doesnt show it since he wouldnt want to upset you

will ABSOLUTELY help you with anything you need, say for example your feeling especially tired or shaky, he will not leave your side! your happiness is always his top priority<3

Throughout the day, he does consistent check-ins to make sure you've eaten, drank water, and taken your medication. if you havent, rengoku will remind you that you probably should and will help you if necessary!

when your feeling tired, he pulls you into the biggest bear hug and lets you rest in his arms-

"Have you taken your medication today baby?" Rengoku's voice was softer than usual, making sure not to surprise you as he walked up behind you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing a kiss onto the top of your head as you nodded. "thats good! I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

Tengen

your absolutely getting the royalty treatment, your getting PAMPERED!

can and will pay for all of your medical expenses, whether it be medication, the cost of the nebulizer, and anything else you want- he is very insistent about it!

Tengen wants you to live your life to to the fullest and flashiest extent possible, regardless of your condition and does everything possible to make life fun for you!

He would be understanding of your limits tho, and I think he would really enjoy carrying you around simply because it lets him take care of you. he would never want you to overwork yourself or push yourself on his behalf, and will check in on you if your looking particularly tired!

he wants to marry you the first chance he gets!

You were cleaning off your nebulizer as your husband came up behind you. "Here, let me~" Tengen whispered in your ear, moving your hands away from the nebulizer to wash it instead. "Tengen, I can do it myself..." you muttered, and he grinned at you. "I know, but what kind of man would I be if I let someone as beautiful as you do all the hardwork, hm?" His words made your cheeks flush, and he placed the nebulizer down as he wrapped his arms around your waist, dipping you low and kissing you extravagantly. "I love you doll~"

Shinobu

She is sooo protective over you, but in the best way! Shinobu is always making sure that your staying healthy and taking your medication, and will check up on your breathing whenever necessary!

Shinobu shows her affection through actions rather than words, especially when it comes to you. She knows she can never fully relate to what your feeling, but does her best to show she cares

She definitely educated herself on your condition and read up on possible treatment and ways to ease symptoms. she would never do anything you weren't comfortable with, but is always offering new treatments that may help improve your life!

When your feeling like shit, she will practically force you to stay in bed and let her take care of u!

Shinobu hummed softly, gently taking the mask of your nebulizer off your face before leaning in to kiss you. "Dont overwork yourself.." she murmured softly, moving closer to wrap her arms around you and run her hands through your hair. "I love you so much, little butterfly.."

Obanai

When you first tell him about it, he honestly isnt that phased

He doesnt view you any differently than he did before, and he thinks your perfect with or without your condition.

Obanai is always keeping an eye on you, just to make sure you don't get hurt or overwork yourself. He'll softly ask you questions about how your feeling, and stares intently at you making sure your not in any form of pain, physically or mentally

he is great to talk to if your upset, and while he may not relate or understand, he will do his best to listen

whenever your tired, obanai will carry you on his back to where you want to go! if your shaky, he will hold things for you and he will ask if its okay for him to help you, he would never want to overstep or make you feel incapable

Kaburamaru likes you a lot as well, and enjoys resting with you when your tired and will watch over you when Obanai cant!

Your hands shook as you attempted to pour the water into the mug, frustration boiling in your gut at your inability to do this seemingly simple task. "Let me." Obanais smooth voice made you stop as he gently reached out, steadying your hands with his own. "Do you want help?" Obanai and Kaburamaru studied your face, and you nodded softly. In perfect synchronization, Obanai held the mug for you while you poured the water in and added the tea bag. Obanai admired you, hearts in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around your waist in a gentle hug.

Mitsuri

she is ENAMORED with you she finds your persistence and strength beautiful in every way!!

mitsuri def wanted to understand how you felt and what your condition was like, and would also ask a lot of questions

SHES SO CLINGYYYYY its honestly adorable bc shes always holding you or hugging you and asking you how you feel!

if your tired or worn out, she practically drags u into bed to cuddle you! shes soooo understanding of your strength and your limits and will praise you SO MUCH for your strength and tenacity

when it comes to a nebulizer, while she may be sort of confused she is very supportive and will remind you (if needed) to take your medication!

"HEYYYY Y/N!!!" Mitsuri called out to you, running into the room and throwing her arms around you as she pressed kisses all over your face. Your nose wrinkled automatically from the affection, and she giggled. You coughed and she tensed, pulling away with a concerned look on her face. "Are you okay??" Her wide eyes stared into yours, and you nodded. "I'm fine, just... tired." Mitsuri's face brightened, pink lips quirking into a small grin. "Thats okay!! Come on y/n, we can go cuddle together in bed!!!!"

Sanemi

Sanemi is surprisingly considerate about your condition, and will fiercely defend you if anyone even dared say anything about you or your condition

I think he would bluntly ask questions at first, honestly he would be a little tad bit ignorant but only when he first met you

he would originally think you were weak but once sanemi began to know about your condition and all the stress and pain you had to go through just to live, he honestly began to admire you

sanemi would train you, just so you knew how to defend yourself but also because he wants you to know he doesnt think your weak

when your tired, he will pull you onto his lap and run his fingers through your hair while holding you tight and close to him. he'll never mention it and will pout and pretend to complain, but in reality he loves you so much and hates seeing you in pain.

sanemi would be hella confused about your nebulizer at first ngl- he would ask a lot of questions about it and about any medication you took, and would make a mental note to remind you about it

overall does EVERYTHING he can to take care of you and is honestly so worried about you- he just loves you so much

"What the fuck are you doing???!!" Sanemi gasped out as you crawled into his lap, wrapping your arms and legs around him and nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "I'm tired 'Nemi..." you mumbled, hands shaking slightly as you struggled to calm your breathing. Sanemi sighed, pretending to be exasperated but the speed of his flustered heart gave him away. He pulled away to press a kiss to your forehead before pulling you close again and wrapping himself around you. "Your lucky I love you..."

Gyomei

When you first tell him about your condition, he begins to cry a little

Gyomei finds it super endearing how tenacious and hardworking you are, doing your best to overcome your condition

hes an incredible listener, and whenever your feeling tired or upset hes always there to comfort you

when it comes to medicine and your nebulizer, he will want to learn how to help you in any way he can. definitely educates himself and i can see him asking you or shinobu any questions about conditions similar or the same as yours

while he can't physically see you, he knows how much your condition pains you and will pray for your comfort sometimes

gyomei is HUGE and really likes carrying you around when your tired!!! he'll gladly invite you into his arms whenever he senses your exhaustion, but is always very gentle with you in fear of hurting you because your so precious to him.

You took a steady breath with the help of your nebulizer, Gyomeis large hands gently rubbing your back as you inhaled your medication. "My sweet light..." he murmured softly, so softly you had to strain a bit to hear him. "I love you... i love you so much." You can't help but smile, and he smiles too, grateful he gets to bask in your warmth.

Giyuu

When you first explain it to him, don't expect a huge reaction

Giyuu pretends he doesn't care much, why should he?

Yet his heart seems to stop when you first explain your difficulty breathing and your need for a nebulizer

a wave of fear washes over him so much it's almost paralyzing, hes terrified of losing you

Giyuu would probably try to push you away but only at first, when he realized how upset it made you he began to open up to you more

hes always asking about your comfort, he lends you his clothes often to make sure your comfortable and will memorize when and how you take your medication

Giyuu learns all he can about your condition and your nebulizer, he wants you to know that you can rely on him

Giyuu is not great at expressing himself through words, however he cares about you very, very deeply.

You know he cares by the way his deep blue eyes study you whenever you cough, the way his hands steady you when you shake

He would gladly switch positions with you in a heartbeat if it meant you wouldn't have to feel the pain you struggle with

Every time you cough or wheeze he swears his heart skips a beat, and whenever your tired he always pulls you so close to him

Giyuu pulled you close to him, gently placing the nebulizer away so he didn't have to see it. Burying his head in your hair, embracing you as he tried to ignore the pain he felt at seeing you struggle to simply breath. He knew how exhausted you were, and he wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. "I love you so much, my dear... never leave me, please..."

this was honestly such an interesting ask to write, and i really enjoyed it! i apologize if any of them are OOC, i havent written for some of them before 😭😭😭 I HOPE YALL ENJOYED!!!!!! PLSSS SEND IN MORE REQS IM DYING FOR MORE DEMON SLAYER REQS!!!

(also take a guess who my bias is >:D)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA (30f) for losing my cool/snapping at my roommate and friend (30m, who I will call Kyle) because he was too loud playing games online with his friends?

For context, in case it's needed: this happened a couple months ago, but it's been on my mind. We are both autistic and thus got a late start in our adult lives, in several ways. We have been friends for 10 years and have lived together for roughly 7 of them, on and off (we adopted 2 cats together many years ago, its just easier like this so we dont have to separate them or force one of us to be away from the cats. we love them very much. kind of a coparenting situation lol). Kyle has a salaried tech job that's remote for 70% of the time, and I've recently become a full-time online college student after failing to "make it" without a degree.

We live in a tiny 2-bedroom house that Kyle's family owns. We're only charged for utilities, which is why neither of us are leaving anytime soon (contrary to what you might assume, Kyle does not make a lot of money), especially since it's giving me the opportunity to go to school full-time and not worry about rent. Kyle helps me a lot with groceries and other necessities and I do most of the chores.

So we are always basically on top of each other, and sometimes we get on each other's nerves. We try to be respectful of each others' space, but it's hard because there is not much space in the first place.

I had a really busy day studying and doing homework, which is basically every day for me, since I'm taking 6 classes, 4 of which are STEM classes. So I tend to fall asleep early if I'm not unintentionally pulling all-nighters. I was trying to sleep when this happened around 9pm.

He usually closes his door because he knows he can be very loud, but it doesn't help much. I ended up having to close my own door to try and drown out some of his yelling and laughing, which I understand is going to happen and I try not to hold it against him.

But then he opened his door and left it wide open, so I could hear everything, like he was in the same room. Something really funny must have happened because he started scream-laughing.

Despite this being a semi-regular weekly occurrence, I was really startled. I figured, it probably wasn't intentional and he'll try to quiet down and close his door. I tried to relax and as soon as I started to fall asleep, he did it again, except louder.

This time he didn't stop, he was full-on screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. Kinda like those game streamers/youtubers where literally all they do is scream the whole time? Very similar. My cat, who was asleep under the blanket on top of me, got startled awake and scratched the shit out of my leg.

I think this all triggered a "fight" response because I was suddenly just so incredibly pissed at Kyle, which I tried to get under control, but he would not stop screaming and I literally could not hear myself think.

(I cannot wear earplugs or have anything in/covering my ears for huge sensory reasons.)

Then my cat wanted to leave the room to see what the commotion was, so I had to open the door, which gave me a direct line of sight to to Kyle at his computer.

I walked over to his doorway. Tried to knock and call his name, but he didnt notice with his noise cancelling headphones on. So I slammed my hand against his door to get his attention & yelled "Hey! Shut the fuck up, Kyle!"

He looked surprised to see me and laughed and kinds waved it off and said "sorry, it got a little intense" and he started to explain what they were doing.

I cut him off and said "I don't care. Shut the hell up." He said he could close his door again, and I said "No, you need to stop. Just stop! You're freaking the cats out too!" and I pointed to my leg with huge bloody scratch marks, shut his door, went back to my room, shut my own door. And of course after that I had adrenaline coursing through my body and I couldn't fall asleep anyway.

After that, I didnt hear a single sound from his room apart from an occasional quiet laugh. I started to feel guilty. I think I overreacted and ruined his fun. I know this is his way of blowing off steam halfway through the work week.

I also felt embarrassed because his friends probably heard me throwing a fit. We have lived with them before, and they're exactly that loud every single night. I have had to ask them to quiet down multiple times, and Kyle told me later on that gave them the impression that I'm. Well, "neurotic, controlling bitch" was heavily implied. Kyle is usually a lot more chill, but being around these guys influences him to act more like them.

But, I guess being loud while having fun isn't a crime, especially when it's not even 10pm yet. I feel like I proved his friends right, maybe.

The next morning I apologized, he apologized too, and everything seems to be good between us, but it's been a while and he's a lot quieter during game night now. He's such a reserved and stressed out person, he hardly ever laughs except when he's playing games, so I feel like I destroyed an important outlet.

I told another friend what happened and she said I didn't overreact at all and she would have flipped out way sooner if her husband did that. (Not sure it's comparable I mean we aren't married lol) And for the record, this friend and her husband were once part of a now-fractured friend group including Kyle and his game night friends, but grew apart, for a lot of reasons, but I think mainly because the Loud Gamer Friends never really grew up while everyone else matured and moved on to different phases in life.

Basically my friends current impression of Kyle is that he is a decent person but incredibly emotionally stunted and feels like he may unintentionally cope in ways that often hurt me without caring as much as she thinks he should. Which....feels partially accurate, I guess. But isn't that placing too much responsibility on him for my wellbeing? He does a lot for me, so it felt like an unfair thing to say.

My mom on the other hand, seems to fully think I am an asshole fun-ruiner. She thinks I should have tried harder to calm down. Maybe I should have approached him sooner - nicely.

And I agree. He probably would have tried his best to oblige even if he couldn't fully succeed. But that's the reason I didn't bother - in the past he has only been able to honor that kind of request for maybe 10-15 minutes, then forgets, and it's exhausting to keep reminding him.

Anyway... what does everyone here think?

[velvetvexations]

re anon who talked about claims that white people can't be nonbinary, I have seen it. this was The Discourse in a corner of the internet i was in in like 2021. this person kept literally saying white people can't be nonbinary and quite a lot of people were agreeing with her.

isn't it sad this is the world we live in

It's funny (sarcasm) how many TransRadFems go on and on about how awful they were treated when they were still perceived as "feminine/gay cis men" and how being misgendered as a man as a trans femme is terrible (which is true, of course), but then turn around and say that (trans/cis) men/people who are perceived as men/etc don't ever experience anything bad at all ever. Like.... If that was true, you wouldn't have experienced any abuse while in the closet and would be happy to be misgendered, because it would give you more "privilege" to be seen as such. And yet, somehow, you realize that both of those things aren't actually true and that (real or perceived) manhood does actually come with a lot of oppression. But only when it comes to trans femmes, for some reason, and never trans mascs. It's almost as if you do know that trans mascs experience gendered oppression for being both trans and men, but deny it simply because you're a bigot and want to get away with being a transphobe. Hmmmmmm. 🤔

sometimes they'll admit to trans men being perceived as women but with the caveat "being treated as women is our best case scenario!" as though trans men aren't, just as trans women are, seen as deviants that need killing or correction rather than "just" your average every day cis woman

"Ohhh trans men think of themselves as women/AFAB which is badddd" actually I think of myself as a male cursed by a powerful wizard :)

wizards and magical hot springs are the number one leading cause of trans people

Male cursed by wizard here again tho. I do actually kind of feel a disconnect from the wider transmasc community, as I never feel like I was a woman or experienced what it was like to be one? But that's because I am extremely autistic and weird and have thought gendered expectations were ridiculous for as long as I can remember, and as such have been largely dehumanized by my peers in a way that most girls and "girls" haven't, if that makes any sense? But that doesn't mean other transmascs are wrong for feeling connected to womanhood on some level, it's just not something I can relate to at all. (I don't relate to manhood either for that matter, but that seems to be a more common experience)

gender is a wildly complicated thing and takes a lot to really examine, it's usually different for everyone in small ways

"trans men don't experience misogyny if they pass, but trans women always experience transmisogyny regardless of whether we pass or not" is a WILD fucking take. imagine 'we can always tell'ing your feminist theory as a trans woman. could fucking not be me.

soulgender sixth sense is especially sensitive to trans women whose gender is super special and radiates an aura of purity

Crazy take, feel free to tell me im wrong but i dont think anyone is inherently binary or nonbinary unless specified. I think that every single person on this earth has a slightly different gender (humans are akin to snowflakes and i do not mean this is a derogatory sense). You could put a group of perisex cis women into a room together and all of them would have varying degrees and opinions on what their cis-woman-ness means to them and the same goes for every other label and identity group. And just because someone defies whatever cultural and social norms of identity that have been put on them doesnt automatically make them nonbinary.

it's all just words

What do you think of the "drag is misogynistic" discourse? To me the argument I see is "they're cosplaying being a trans women and thats bad" Which.. sounds exactly like a terf argument but with the word trans slapped in it.

it's a TERF argument and I'm not even into drag

Every time I remember the blahaj discourse I want to simultaneously laugh & light a votive for the trans community's mental health. I am being told by folks who are younger than my personal obsession with sharks (22+ years running let's go!!!) that I cannot possibly fathom the appeal of a stuffie in the shape of a shark, and if I get one anyway, it's appropriation. And yeah, that discourse died pretty soon out of the cradle, but holy shit! It existed! I really hope, for the sake of all involved, that they feel sheepish in the future; better the embarrassment than doubling down on such a — frankly! — ridiculous mindset.

your AFAB man brain simply can't comprehend the true transfymynyn nature of sharks

Idk if this makes me racist but like. It is actually pretty uncomfortable seeing people use non European cultures having 3rd (or 4th or 5th or 6th etc) genders as proof transphobia is a western thing or whatever. Like. Idk I'm biased but as a (relatively) binary trans individual, I don't want to be relegated to a 3rd gender..? Id like to live as any other man, not some 3rd or 4th category of woman-that-acts-like-a-man. I'm happy for the people that see themselves in 3rd genders, but for me it just feels like a painful reminder of how otherized trans people have been historically.... (also I think it's kinda gross to prop up non European cultures as inherently so much better and great and a homogenized soup of betterness instead of. Yknow. Nuanced cultures with their own unique problems and bigotries and positive qualities. Like indigenous cultures don't have to be perfect for colonialism to be bad actually. But that's a separate thing)

yeah it's such an over simplification

just saw someone compare trans women to the omelas child I hate it here.

hard to overstate how much of a pathetic worm one would have to be to say that about themselves with zero irony

help a post appeared on my dash saying "trans men benefit from male privilege" and one person who reblogged it had "transphobes DNI/transandrophobia truthers DNI" on their header

yeah that's the people you wanna put out there first as a DNI trans men who think they're oppressed

Sorry if your inbox is a bad place to vent about this, but I'm so sick and tired of the way Go To Therapy is slung around these days, both as a stealth insult to imply someone is 'crazy' and needs to be 'fixed', but also as the genuine go to (often only) advice that treats it as some sort of fix-all solution. I was deeply traumatized by therapy as someone who's been in and out of it since pre-k and only finally decided to stop going for good in their 30's and being bombarded with the advice to Go To Therapy in every online space I'm part of is exhausting and triggering to the point that I have the word Therapy blacklisted on tumblr. And I can't like, talk about it without being told I just had the wrong therapist and need to keep trying until the right person magically comes along to fix me, as if I haven't spent my whole life trying to force myself into the mold of recovery. Someone not being able or willing to keep trying to heal in the Approved way is often treated as a red flag and a moral failing, and even my own closest friends have this idea in their heads that therapy is absolutely good for everyone and the only valid reason to not be in therapy is not being able to afford it. I'm just tired and I don't want to heal anymore because I don't think I'll ever be healed enough to satisfy anyone, I don't want to get up over and over and over, I want to stay down and rest.

love you anon <3

[hearts4golbach]

The Night Shift.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

Chapter 23.

"Is that taco bell breakfast i smell?" jake said, sounding as if he was about to start floating to locate the smell. he turned the corner into the kitchen, where i was sitting with tara.

it was 7 in the morning, and the 4 of us were about to go finally pack up my old apartment. they insisted on helping despite me saying i could get it all done myself since i didn't own much anyway.

"Yes, jake." she rolled her eyes, tossing him his usual order. he squeeled like a little girl before tearing into the wrap.

"im gonna go get johnnie up." i walked down the hall towards our room and walked in silently.

johnnie laid on the bed with a peaceful look on his face. his arms were tucked awkwardly under his head as his legs were tangled in the blankets.

i gently shook his shoulder, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Good morning, sleepy head. we have breakfast."

he rubbed his eye, black eyeshadow transferring to his finger. "mornin'." he pulled me in, kissing me softly before sitting up. "When you were asleep, i organized the closet. you can fit your clothes in half of it now."

"Oh my god, really?" i furrowed my eyebrows, a small smile growing on my face.

"i mean, yeah. where else are you going to put your clothes?" he slipped on his socks and stood up.

his fingers tangled with mine as he led me back into the kitchen and sat down next to me. he rested his hand right above my knee as Jake immediately started a conversation with them. i passed johnnie his breakfast, and he dug in, clearly starving.

jake looked down at his phone, "what time do you think we'll be done?"

"Well, im not too sure. i mean, theres 5 of us packing up my tiny apartment, so it's probably around noon." i thought outloud, earning a 'hm' from jake.

everyone had finished their food. jake and tara went to get their shoes on and start the car while johnnie went to take off his makeup. i sat in the kitchen on my phone, waiting for johnnie to be done.

"Ready to go?" he asked, his clean face making me smile. it wasn't often i got to see him without makeup.

"mhm." i stood up and stretched. i put my hair into a messy bun to get it out of the way before walking out the door, johnnie not far behind me. "Thank you again for helping with all of this."

"Don't thank me." he hesitated as if he was going to add onto the sentence. he gently rubbed my lower back.

i hummed, "Okay, then."

Johnnie and i sat in the back of jakes car while him and Tara were up front. I zoned out. thinking about my old apartment made me nervous. although i wasn't going alone, something still felt off. after the incident and how easily i got imhured, i didn't want the same to happen to them. Or maybe it was the fact that my creepy old neighbor lent me a piece to a vaccum, and i still need to give it back, but i seriously doubted that was the reason. i decided to shove my paranoia down as i didn't want to let it ruin my day.

it was if i had blinked and we were already there. i picked my head up, rubbing the cheek that was leaning on my arm.

"i was room number 206," i commented, pulling the keys out of my pocket.

"i can't believe theres not a fucking elevator. This bitch has 5 stories." Jake complained as we tromped up the stairs.

"Just be glad she's not on the 5th one," tara wiped smudged lip gloss off the corner of her mouth.

"Exactly," johnnie nods, slightly out of breath.

i unlocked my front door and pushed it open, revealing my still messy apartment. "Oh, i never came back to clean up." i admitted, even though it was plain to see.

"dont worry about it, missy." jake teased in his southern accent.

tara and jake covered the kitchen while johnnie and i started in the living room. we all added songs to the spotify queue and got to work. i was smart enough to keep boxes stored in my closet. There was always a just in case thing. The living room was nearly empty, the only furniture consisting of a rug and a small sofa that i planned on putting by the trash for someone else to take. i didn't have much decoration, either. All that i had was a painting, my mother had made me and a thrifted portrait of marilyn monroe. The only other things on the wall were some empty colorful vases on a small shelf.

we quickly wrapped those up while tara and jake stacked all of my plates and bowls in between wash cloths. I announced we were moving to a different room before heading into the hall to focus on the closet.

The closet didn't take much work. We shoved blankets and towels into one big box before moving on to my bedroom.

my room was a much bigger task, considering this was the room i spent most of my time in. i sat at my vanity and began packing it up while Johnnie took over the closet.

"i want to stream later, and i was wondering if you wanted to be on it." Johnnie mentioned, bagging up clothes that were hung up.

"Sure, that sounds fun. im still kind of nervous though, what if your fans don't like me?" i glanced over.

"They'll love you, i promise." he smiled at me. "i was thinking i could do your makeup for the stream."

"fuck yeah." i agreed, standing up and making my way to my side table. "Didn't we make those plans a while ago?"

"Yeah, but then a bunch of shit happened. and i figured since we're together now, everyone should get to know you a little better." A light blush spread across his face.

"Good idea. im down," i agreed.

The rest of the house was packed up within the next 3 hours. Jake and i moved all of the furniture down to the garbage bins, with little help from tara and johnnie. i took one last look at my empty apartment before locking it up and turning in my keys.

[akutasoda]

i love ur writing so much, i cant hold myself back from requesting <333 this is my first time requesting something !!

i dont really know how to start this but what if the bsd characters (im not picky with them so you can pick any!!) were to meet the reader that has the same personality as Sparkle in Honkai starrail? Sorry if this doesnt make sense-

if u can write this then thank u!! if i requested this at the wrong time then im sorry

a thousand faces

synopsis - when they meet someone that is engrossed in theatrics

includes - yosano, nikolai, jouno, ayatsuji

warnings - gn!reader - based off sparkle, fluff, slight crack, wc - 789

a/n: thank you!! <3 it made perfect sense dw :)

taglist - @vi-chan07

akiko yosano ★↷

↪if she thought ranpo had a thing for dramatic reveals she'd be proven wrong. to her, you clearly had some sort of unhealthy love toward theatrical actions that brought you 'amusement' - so much so that it would the only thing to interest you.

↪ because she wasn't exactly the most out there and amusing person, you saw no business with her but somewhere you must of found something to amuse yourself.

↪she could tell you were unscrupulous. no regard for moral principles, no regard for how much you'd lie and no hesitation to play unfairly. to her that was concerning, nothing good could come from being associated with someone like you.

↪but you were still completely hard to read. never would she expect to understand you thoughts or actions and while that scared her slightly, it also made her more on edge around you. never knowing what you would do next.

nikolai gogol ★↷

↪a master of theatrics such as himself could easily understand another maestro of theatrics. that's what drew him to you and you to him. you both lived for some kind of amusement even though your love for it stemmed deeper than his - afterall he longed for freedom more so.

↪you two would be the equivalent of a clown and an actor. you both had little regard for mortality and would happily play dirty if it meant achieving what you oh so desired - you both lived for the thrill of theatrics and attention.

↪although he could understand your love for amusement, he still couldn't read you. he couldn't tell what you were going to do, say or think - all he could do was understand why you acted so afterwards. but really that made you all the more interesting.

↪you found alot of amusement in nikolai. he was exactly the kind of person that could reflect and different yet mostly familiar side to your usual antics. it was also his dedication to the art of performance that grabbed your attention.

↪you were both equally cunning maestro's of dangeroud theatrics, each for their own reason and goal yet you could still understand one another. afterall the art of performance could be understood by it's accompanying actors. (theatre kids fr)

saigiku jouno ★↷

↪for someone who thought on the side of justice, he was incredibly morally gray. it was that twisted side of him that would lead to him grabbing your attention as you reckoned he would aid to your 'amusement' in his own way.

↪jouno hated the way he couldn't read you - well he couldn't see you but there was something about you that preventing him picking up anything through his senses. some actors can perfect complete control of their body and it's emotions, you were no different.

↪he could tell that you always looked for some way to be extravagant. to seek that amusement through any means necessary, mostly when it's outgoing and attracts the attention of anyone. a part of him wanted to respect that.

↪he could also tell that you were very particulate and only got attracted or engaged in things is if they promised amusement or some form of art of performance.

↪for a while he did find you slightly annoying but he would get used to the way you were rather outgoing and predicament.

yukito ayatsuji ★↷

↪he has met quite the range of characters after solving 50 000 cases as a detective for 20 years. all ranging from enclosed and secluded people to the extravagant outgoing ones who like to run their mouths, but he would have to admit he's never met someone like you.

↪while he could compare you to certain people, they all don't have the same level of dedication you do to theatrics and amusement. because the only thing that grabbed your attention was 'amusement' you tended to ignore him for a while - he wasn't fun in your eyes.

↪but he found you interesting. he couldn't read you at all, couldn't understand why you acted the way you did or even what you could be thinking. the only thing he could tell about you was that you clearly had no moral principles.

↪you could lie and lie or even go back on your words without a minute of trepidation if it meant you received the 'amusement' you wanted. and that interested him - how far would you be willingly to go?

↪he could actually admire your dedication to theatrics - not so much understand but he found it admirable nonetheless.